Flower Crowns
by Humanized Serenity
Summary: Bright summer days should be spent in the gardens, enjoying the sunlight and admiring the flowers. In the Phantomhive household, that sometimes leads to pondering on the things that matter most. For Nel! Finny/Ciel/Snake


**This is story is dedicated to Cennis! I think I managed to fulfill all your requests, though the result is a little unconventional, I hope you enjoy it, though! Hopefully you'll make some sense out of this nonsensical mess. Sorry it's a year late!**

 **Oh! This story is set after the Green Witch arc, but it ignores anything that happened afterwards.**

 **Flower Crowns**

 _Dear Finny and Snake,_

 _When I first decided to write this letter, I debated for a long time on what I should say; it seems that my skills with words will always flee me whenever I feel the need to express my personal feelings openly and candidly. So before I can proceed, I must beg your forgiveness if I digress or stall for time. As necessary as I find this letter to be, it is also incredibly difficult and unnatural for me to expose my emotions to others in such manner. There are certain things that I have never shared with anyone; thoughts and secrets I keep to myself and foolishly hoped to take them to my grave. Time, however, has taught me that sometimes the hardest things to say are the ones that must truly be heard. I've come to realize now that there are things that I need the both of you to know, and so I forced myself to break my vow of silence. However, I do hope once you finish reading this that you will think no differently of me._

* * *

The cicadas were singing restlessly. Birds of all varieties would occasionally join in their song, and in the distance the sound of the cool water of the stream that flowed by the Phantomhive estate steadily running its course created the fitting background melody. The sun had decided to give a rare welcoming summer gift, embracing England with its warm rays, allowing no clouds to interrupt its affectionate display. The air was warm, but not overly humid, and the occasional breeze would help spread the distinct scent of grass and flowers, as well as something that was fresh, musky, and indescribably characteristic of the English summer.

Finnian loved days like this. Nothing could compare to the joy he felt when inhaling all those marvelous smells, listening to the birds and cicadas chirping together in a wonderful chorus, as the warmth that radiated constantly from the sky caressed his skin. Even now, as he crawled through the dirt, and the mud wiggled its way under his clipped fingernail, he couldn't contain his smile, his happiness being almost overwhelming.

The outside world. A home. Friends and family. Those were things that #12 would never have dreamed of having, but that Finny could never again live without.

And it was all thanks to the Young Master.

" _I think he's gone that way. I can smell him_ ," a voice cut through his thoughts. "Says Wordsworth."

Finny continued to smile as he looked back. Snake, the most recent addition to their family, was also on his hands and knees. Emily and Wordsworth were both circling his neck and shoulders, and his custom made uniform – the one the Young Master had commission especially for him – was now stained with mud, dirt, and grass. No doubt Mister Sebastian would yell at them for that later, but the Young Master would most likely just shrug it off and say it could always be washed, but that in the end it really didn't matter since he was planning on getting them some new clothes anyway.

Snake's handsome features were twisted into something akin to worry and anxiety, his right hand pointing towards the east end of the garden. A boxwood hedge framed the shrubs and flowers (poppies, angel trumpets, baby breaths, andromedras) of numerous colors that occupied the area. Together, they surrounded most of the left side the estate's main garden, separating it from the woods where tall trees stood strong, as if they too took pride in the Phantomhive name. A stone path cut through the arrangement, framed by thick evergreen (boxwood, he reminded himself) leading to Finny's favorite place in the entire world.

"You can smell Oscar from all the way over there?" Finny asked, looking back at his friend. "Even with all the flowers?"

" _We have a good nose, and Oscar has a very distinct scent. It makes him easy to find,_ " Snake replied. "Says Wordsworth. _He stinks,_ says Emily."

"Okaaaaaay! We'll trust Wordsworth and Emily, then!"

Finny continued to crawl towards the direction Snake pointed. He stopped before the hedge momentarily before lowering his body further until he lay flat on the ground, ducking his head as he made his way under the bushes, Snake following him close behind. Both kept their eyes alert, gazes searching for the dirt for Oscar.

"This way, right?"

" _Yes, his stink is getting stronger,_ " Snake ducked his head, trying to avoid some twigs. "Says Emily."

"Further up ahead we go, then!" Finny lowered his own head, causing his chin to rub on the dirt. "Why do we need to find Oscar anyway? Don't your snakes always come back to you?"

" _Black said we have some important guests coming to the manor tonight. He said to have everyone together at all times._ Says Wordsworth," Snake's hair got tangled on one of the leaves. Finny stopped and tried to help him. " _He said he doesn't want the dinner party to be ruined because the guests saw snakes crawling in the dining room._ Says Emily."

"Guests?" Finny blinked, then his eyes widened in realization. "Oh yeah! He told us about it too! Some important people from London, right? Mister Sebastian has been scolding us all day! I wonder who they are?"

" _Black said they were –"_ Snake stopped himself, nose sniffing as he turned his head to the left. " _He's just over there!_ Says Wordsworth."

"Let's go, then!"

They both rushed towards the direction. Finny's smile only seemed to widened as they raced together. Something warm and fuzzy bubbled inside his chest, being released in the form of laughter. They were met with taller hedges of evergreen, ones that surpassed even Mr. Sebastian in height.

" _Just over the other side._ Says Emily."

Finny stood up. He helped Snake to his feet, before turning towards the hedge. He gently touched the green leaves, searching for the place where it was thinnest. Once found, both servants pushed themselves through the barrier, Finny still smiling while Snake held on to his shirt, a hand at the level of his eye so to protect his face from more assaulting twigs. They pushed and pushed, but finally made it to the other side.

The sun blinded him for a moment. Before his vision could focus again, however, the smell – oh, and what a strong and enchanting smell it was – filled Finny's lungs. He knew immediately where they were.

The Phantomhive rose garden was perhaps the most beautiful place in the world. Bushes of red roses surrounded the area, the contrast between the green and red vividly beautiful. Just behind them, white trellises were covered with more vines that twisted themselves into the holes in a lawless yet beautiful pattern. A curved roof created a small shaded area for the small wooden benches – each fit for two, maybe three people –that were spread around the circular perimeter, the only sitting in the area available the grass part of the garden. The stone pathway that led to this section of the Phantomhive garden was decorated by a white arch with roses that seemed richer in both size and color. In the middle of the garden was an outdoor tea table, made of white metal and composed of swirly design, and a matching set of chairs.

But even though the sight was always beautiful, to Finny, what made it so heavenly breathtaking at the moment was the fact that the Young Master was there.

The fourteen year old boy sat by the tea table, with Oscar comfortably resting on his shoulders just as he did with Snake. His eye was distant as it looked at the roses without seeing really seeing them, it's blue as beautiful as the open sky. His dark bangs, ever so soft, fell elegantly just below his brows having been brushed carefully that very morning. His right hand, both delicate and small, supported his chin, as the long left fingers tapped gently on the table. Clothed in soft blue, the boy's never changing pale skin and small frame made him look perfectly in place when surrounded by his beautiful blood red roses.

It was a beautiful sight. Stunning. One that filled Finny's heart with warmth, for no one would ever be as important to the gardener as that boy was. The Young Master was, after all, more than Finny's boss and family.

He was his savior.

And yet, the blond could not help but think something was amiss. The way the Young Master's gaze seemed far off and distant instead of calculating and alert, the way he hadn't looked up when he and Snake entered the garden, and the way he seemed to almost lean into Oscar's touch, as if the snake's cold scales provided him with some sort of physical comfort, all seemed… Wrong.

It was true that the Young master always had an aura of melancholy to him. As much as Finny tried to ignore it, as much as he wished to deny it, he was not completely blind to the mournful and somber air that the boy he held so dear carried around him. The darkness of his titles – evil nobleman, Queen's watchdog… Even that of the Earl, a noble role he was far too young to undertake – filled the boy with a burden far too heavy for those thin shoulders. It gave him a collar that was simultaneously too large for his young age and too tight in its restrictions, always threatening to choke him. The responsibilities he had, the enemies he made, and the horrors of his past – horrors Finny could not begin to imagine – all created a dark cloak that the was visible to all who bothered to really _look_ at the child.

And yet, there was something different. Usually the Young Master wore that cloak with pride. He twirled around with it, a teasing smirk playing on his lips as he mocked his enemies. The ever present kindness he showed towards the few he cared about made it seem unimportant. The Young master walked with his cloak without any apparent concern or regret, his short temper, his teasing, and his wit demonstrating that its weight and darkness were meaningless, sometimes even helpful. It was something that, despite its sinister nature, was of no concern to Finny, for it never seemed to bother his Young Master.

But now… Now, as Finny watched his Young Master stare at the roses with forlorn melancholy, he could not help but think that perhaps his Young Master had tripped on its hem.

"Y-Young Master…?" he called.

The boy finally turned towards them, calmly. He took in their appearances, eye studying them from head to toe, before giving a small teasing smile.

"You know, the stone path exists for a reason," despite his usual jesting tone, the gardener could not shake off that feeling that something was wrong. "But I suppose the expression 'strolling through the garden' could actually mean walking and crawling where the plants are. Maybe by getting close and personal with the flowers, you get a more intense and rewarding experience."

Snake's face turned red, even though he knew, just as Finny did, that the Young Master meant no offense.

" _W-We were looking for Oscar,_ " Snake replied. " _Black said to take him back to the manor as soon as possible._ Says Emily."

"Sebastian did?" the Young Master blinked. "Whatever for?"

"Because of the guests," Finny replied this time. "Mister Sebastian wants everything to be perfect for tonight's dinner! And it's our duty as Phantomhive servants to make sure of that!"

" _He doesn't want for everyone to scare the guests._ Says Worsworth."

"The guests?" the Young Master clicked his tongue. "Scare them is the least of what I wish I could do. I'm sure if anything were to happen to the Viscount Druitt tonight I would be doing the rest of England a favor. Maybe they would even give me an award. I certainly would deserve it."

Finny blinked. He was about to say something in response, but the Young Master stood.

"But I supposed he is right in some way. As much as it pains me to play nice to that man, we'll need to be on our best behaviors tonight," the Young Master's eye seemed distant once more. "It is crucial that everything goes perfect, just as Sebastian said."

Oscar slid from the Young Master's shoulder and then made his way back to Snake. The boy headed towards the stone path. He stopped in the archway for a moment before turning towards them.

"I trust you to do your job, and make sure to meet the Phantomhive standard."

"Y-Yes!"

" _O-Ofcourse,_ says Emily."

The Younger Master smiled before turning and walking away.

* * *

 _The idea to write this came to me that day in the garden, a week ago. I know you noticed that I was not at my happiest moods, and I thank you for respecting my privacy and not asking what was on my mind. Truthfully, I cannot tell you the events of that morning, only that Sebastian brought me some news that, although satisfying, made me pounder on many things._

 _If you knew that your time with someone you cared very dearly for was coming to an end – and you could do nothing to stop it – what would you do? Or rather, what would you say to them? I think about that often, but only on that day did the importance of those questions truly started weigh on my mind._

 _The gardens always were my mother's favorite place to be in the Phantomhive Estate. My father preferred the library or his study; he would often purposely neglect his duties as the Earl and head of the family in favor of teaching me how to play chess. I greatly enjoyed our time spent together, when he would place me on his lap or on a chair that was far too big for me, and spend hours giving me all of his attention. My father enjoyed the indoors, the books and the board games and the days spent together as a family in the playroom. Those were the things he liked._

 _But my mother… My mother loved the tall trees and the flowers. Like myself, her health was quite poor, and she spent numerous days, or sometimes even weeks, in the bed she shared with my father, unable to leave the walls of the manor as she rested and recovered. For that reason, she took great pleasure in being out in the sun, appreciating the open air more than any of us. The flowers were her most favorite thing in the world. She cherished them deeply. Some of my fondest memories of her, the one where she smiled the brightest, were spent on that very spot where you saw me that day. She would hold me in her arms and tell me stories, – many of them of her and my father before their marriage, when he was courting her – laughing and smiling as if she had not a care in the world. I remember always thinking that she was always the happiest and the most beautiful during those moments._

 _I'm very thankful that her precious garden is being taken care of by someone who loves it and appreciates it just as much as she did._

* * *

"So it's spelled _L-A-V-E-N-D-_ … Ah, no, that's an _M,_ not an _N._ I used to confuse them all the time too, so don't worry," Finny gently corrected Snake, one arm wrapped around the footman's shoulder. "Mister Sebastian used to get so angry! It was scary! He was such a strict tutor!"

" _Black can really be scary when teaching. I remember it well with Lady Sullivan…"_ Snake and Finny both shuddered at the memories. " _No wonder Smile is always running from his lessons._ Says Goethe."

"I think everyone would run if they were in the Young Master's place! Having lessons every day with Mister Sebastian? That must be so hard! Ah, but thinking about it now, I don't think he is afraid of Mister Sebastian!" Finny grinned. "The Young Master isn't afraid of anything, after all!"

" _He… He really isn't,_ " Snake smiled softly. "Says Oscar."

With a deep breath, Snake rolled up the long sleeves of his summer uniform – a light linen button up and an even lighter black suit – up to his elbows, hoping to alleviate some of the unusual heat. He reached for the quill once more, returning to his lesson. The grass pricked at his bottom, the shade of the large tree offering little relief from the heat as the three o'clock summer sun beamed down mercilessly on them, the rays of light so bright they were almost blinding. Bugs of all sorts chirped restlessly, as if they, too, were bothered by the heat. The only thing that seemed to promise some comfort was the sound of a nearby stream that coursed through the woods inside the Phantomhive Estate.

Still, despite the fact that the humidity was drenching him in sweat, causing his hair to stick to his forehead and the nape of his neck, Snake found that it was too beautiful of a day to spend indoors. With their main chores done, he and Finny were able to steal away a few moments for themselves, deciding to take advantage of the rare English sun to study. The Phantomhive garden – with its rich green grass, dark brown and moisty dirt, and beautiful flowers Finny cared for with the utmost attention – was the perfect stage for their session. They had walked all the way to the border where the garden met the woods, far enough away from the main house so that the scent of Bard's cooking would not distract them, and yet close enough so they could still see the mansion they now called home.

" _So N is the smaller one?_ " Snake asked. "says Oscar."

"Yep! _N_ is the small one and _M_ is the big one! It's _M_ for _Marigold_ and _Mimosa_ , and _N_ for _Narcissus_ and _Nemisia_!" Finny nodded. "That's how I remember them!"

"Marigold…? N-Nemi… Nemeh… _?_ "

"They're flowers!" Finny explained.

" _There flowers that begin with M and N?_ Says Goethe."

"Oh, yeah! There are tons!" Finny's eyes seemed to sparkle in that moment. "There are Moonflowers and Morning glories, and also Nightshade, and Nicotiana… And Malvas are really pretty too! Oh, oh! And there's Mahonia, Nas… Nas… Nasturtium! But Monkshood is also one of my favorites! I think we have some of that nearby…! Let me see…!"

Snake smiled gently as the garden turned his head rapidly, eyes wide and searching.

" _You know a lot of flowers, don't you?_ Says Oscar."

Finny ceased to look around, turning to look at Snake instead. He blinked at Snake for a moment before his eager grin turned into a gentle smile. Taking a deep breath, he looked up at the sky, his green eyes now distant, but still full of kindness and love.

"Well, yes. When the Young Master found me, he did more than just save my life. He gave me… He gave me everything I never dreamed of. Thanks to him, I became Finny. And… And when he taught me how to grow, when he trusted me with this garden…! The open air, the plants, and all the pretty flowers…! It was all so different from what I knew and… And it all just made me really happy! I promised myself I would learn everything there is to know about gardening! Everything! For the Young Master and the happiness he gave me, I would be the best gardener in the world!" suddenly Finny's smile turned embarrassed, as he lowered his head and scratched the back of his head. "Aaah, I'm not there yet… And I mess up all the time… Still, the flowers are all so pretty… Even though I'm still… Well…"

It was Snake's turn to look around at the garden, noticing all the different types of plants and flowers he couldn't name, blooming beautifully at Smile's garden. They varied in shape and sizes, some bright and loud, others quiet and serene, but all unique, strong, and beautiful.

He took them all in, marveling at how wonderful they looked, how amazingly they smelled when not separated from him by gray iron bars.

" _I think you're doing a good job,_ " One of Snake's hands reached for a small, white flower with delicate petals that was growing near the two of them. "Says Goethe."

"You think so? Really?"

Snake nodded, and Finny's grin grew so wide that it looked as if it could rip his face apart.

"Thank you!" he threw his arms around Snake, bringing him closer. Snake blushed, his heart hammering inside his chest. Finny laughed before releasing him, though Snake's heart didn't seem to notice that. "But… But I still have much to learn. Mister Sebastian is the one who does most of the pretty gardening. He fixes all my mistakes, after all."

He paused for a second before continuing.

"Mister Sebastian taught me how to read, but it was only after we started using the flowers that I began to learn," a sigh. "When I first came to the manor, I didn't even have a name. Then, one day, the Young Master showed me a book. He named me after the main character in the story, you see. I promised that day I would protect the Young Master, always. And I also promised myself that I would, one day, be able to read that entire book!

"But it was hard… I couldn't understand much English at first… And the book had so many big words! And Mister Sebastian was so strict, too…! It was then that… That the Young Master came into the room and interrupted our lesson. He didn't say anything, just placed a rose from the gardens on top of my desk and left. I saw him looking at Sebastian, and they… You noticed, right? How sometimes it seems they talk to each other without talking?"

Snake nodded.

" _They do it all the time._ Says Oscar."

"They do. It's because they understand each other so well! Mister Sebastian and the Young Master are always together, so they always know what they are thinking!" Finny's smile turned bitter. "I… To be honest, I'm kind of jealous."

Snake thought back on that day in the rose garden, when Smile sat all by himself, looking melancholic, his one visible eye so distant. There was something on his mind, something bothering him, but no matter how hard he tried, Snake would never be able to understand what it was. Smile would never trust him with that knowledge, and the walls he put around himself – the ones he only saw crumbling once, when they were in Germany – were too thick for him to see through. Snake knew of only one single person who could read Smile without much effort, to whom those walls were as transparent as the clear water from the stream a few yards into the woods.

He could definitely understand Finny's feeling.

"Mister Sebastian understood what the Young Master meant, and he taught me how to write the name of the flower. Then he chose another one. And another and another… Soon Meirin and I could read and write English!" Finny continued. "It was thanks to Mister Sebastian's great teachings and how he didn't give up on us, but I also think the Young Master helped in his own way. Without his idea, who knows how long it would have taken me to learn! But after I a while I could read _The Finnian Cycle_ without a problem!"

Snake looked at the paper in front of him, examining all the letters forming names of flowers that were all over the garden. He could easily picture Finny sitting in the garden for hours, looking at flowers and spelling their names out loud until he memorized it.

He felt his cheeks heat up, his heart beating just a tad bit faster. The sound of the bugs seemed just a bit louder, and he was suddenly overly aware of Oscar's cool skin hugging his neck. With renewed determination, he reached for the quill once more, rewriting the word, his calligraphy not nearly as shaky as before.

They stayed there for another three minutes before the Smile arrived. He walked calmly towards them, his noble composure proud and perfect. Once upon a time Snake would have seen him walking like that and would have been fooled, just as everyone else was, by his straight posture, his graceful steps, and his cool mask. He would have been taken aback by the boy's beauty and elegance, the urges to look away and to keep staring fighting each other. Smile had that air to him, one that was both captivating and overwhelming, beautiful and alluring, to the point one had to force themselves too look away or else risk spending an eternity simply admiring him.

But that was before. After a little over a year in his service, after spending so much time in his presence and sharing so many adventures, Snake knew Smile well enough to be able to detect signs of a hidden frown, his eye glazed over with boredom.

Snake looked at his letters, and then at the boy he now called Master. His heart skipped another beat at realizing that just as he was learning how to read and understand letters, he was also learning how to read and understand Smile.

"Young Master, welcome home!" Finny called. "How was your trip to the town?"

Smile's features softened, a tiny smile gracing his lips. Joker had always been perceptive, choosing the most suited nicknames.

"Exhausting. I had not realized how many errands Sebastian and I had piled up," he sat down beside them, and only then did Snake realize he carried a bag with him. Before they could ask about it, though, he gave Snake's quill and paper a pointed look before raising an eyebrow. "Wouldn't it be easier to do that on a table?"

Snake felt himself blush.

"We thought about it, but the day is so beautiful!" Finny spread his arms out. "It would be a shame to waste it!"

"I suppose it would," Smile nodded. "How are the studies going, Snake?"

" _V-very well. Finny is a great teacher._ Says Goethe."

Finny grinned.

Smile's his eye turned back towards the writing. "I bet he is," he then turned towards Finny. "Flowers?"

Finny nodded, grin still in place. "They were so useful to me when I was learning, I thought they could help Snake, too!"

Smile's smile this time was a fond one.

"Then I guess it's a good thing I went by the bookstore."

Finally, he reached inside the bag, pulling out a thick, leather-bound book. Instead of turning towards Finny like he had expected, he turned towards Snake instead. It took the young man a moment to realize that Smile was giving _him_ the book.

He blushed again, nearly dropping his quill. With as much care as he could he reached for the book, his hands shaking slightly. It was heavier than he thought, though the feel of the cover beneath his fingers was one he surprisingly enjoyed. Even without opening it he could smell its musky scent, pleasant and yet uncomfortable at the same time, making his nose itch in a funny and unfamiliar way. He shifted his legs, placing the book on top of them, and slowly, with his breath caught on his throat, opened it.

His eyes widened. He could feel Finny peering over his shoulder, but at that moment, he didn't pay his friend much attention. He quickly and carefully began to flip through the pages, his heart speeding up with each turn. Words he didn't recognize or understand were scribbled all over the paper, and alongside them – along with diagrams, anatomical sketches, and charts – were beautifully drawn snakes.

He saw Goethe. And Oscar. And Emily, and Bronte, and Wordsworth, and Keats, As well as Donne, Dan, Wilde, Webster, and many others.

He looked up at Smile, his eyes still wide. The boy, though, wasn't looking at him. His fingers were playing with some flowers he had plucked from around them, a few others sitting upon his lap.

"Finny found it easy to read by learning the names of flowers. He also used that book I gave him, the one of his namesake, to motivate himself," his eye still looked at the flowers on his hands, even as he answered Snake's unspoken question. "They were things that interested him. I figured we could try the same trick with you."

Snake looked down at the book, then at Smile. He was speechless.

"Young Master…!" Finny spoke, and Snake finally remembered that he was also there. He looked at his friend to see his eyes full of admiration and respect.

Snake looked at Smile again. He took in his appearance; that large, blue eye, that small nose, his round cheeks… He was beautiful. Incredibly beautiful. He was like a porcelain doll, so fragile and precious. And yet, he was also full of strength, full of pride. While his appearance made him seem easily broken, his stare and his aura radiated power, showing that he was more than capable of protecting those he held dear. There was a deep sadness, a melancholy that somehow filled the boy with wisdom, with empathy, but also with a cold shield that prevented even those who loved him most from approaching him. He was intelligent, cunning, manipulative, and, at times, even cruel. Snake couldn't fault people for calling the boy an Evil Nobleman.

And yet, Snake also knew that Smile could be kind and caring, his gestures and advice, although often given with indifference, spoke far louder than his scowls, sneers, or scolding.

Smile was a boy full of contradiction, full of mysteries, and in this moment, as his hands gingerly touched the pages of his new book, Snake felt a rush of endearment overwhelming him. A strong sense of belonging, a protective urge, and a powerful need. It was the same feeling he felt when the boy first told him to hold his head high, that he didn't need to be ashamed of his appearance. The same feeling he felt during that entire trip, when those creatures followed them and all he could think about was how to keep this tiny noble safe. It was all related to the feeling he felt when Smile's life was in danger in Germany, the hurt he felt when he couldn't approach him, the helplessness of seeing Smile suffer and not be able to help, of seeing him fall down in the woods and being overwhelmed by terror when he thought, for a small second, that Smile wouldn't make it and he would lose the boy forever.

It was the feeling that reminded him why he was a Phantomhive servant.

"I recognized a few of your friends there. Saw Wilde, and Wordsworth. Oscar too," Smile continued, still not looking at them. "Finny can help you learn all the names and help you read the book. I'm curious to see if they have anything there that you don't already know."

Snake felt his cheeks heat up. For some reason, his eyes stung a little. He blinked quickly, finding that they were a little wet.

" _T-thank you!_ Says Wordsworth."

Smile looked at him. He gave him that same smile he had given Finny, just a few moments before. He leaned forward and then placed something on top of Snake's head.

"Just be sure use it well."

He stood up and left, entering the mansion where Black awaited him by the door. Snake stared at him for a few moments before removing the object off his head, and examining it with care.

It was a flower crown.

* * *

 _There are many times, though, when I wonder what she would think of me, if she saw me today. My mother was much like Lizzie; a woman with a kind and gentle heart that saw beauty and wonder in everything; capable of loving even the most disgusting of all dark things. Despite knowing this, I sometimes doubt that even she would be able to care and forgive one as twisted as myself. Sometimes I wonder what I would say to her, if I had the opportunity to see her one more time. If I had known, on my tenth birthday, that that would be the last time I would ever see her, ever feel her arms around me, and ever hear her laugh… What would I have said?_

 _I always try to stop myself from letting my thoughts go farther than that. Maybe it is selfish of me, or maybe it is foolish and juvenile, but I don't like to talk about my parents, much less remember them. As much as I cherished them, as much as I miss them, they are part of the past now. They are part of a life that has long been taken from me, and they knew a me that has long ceased to exist. If they saw me today, I'm certain they would not recognize me as their son._

 _I doubt they would be able to forgive me for killing the innocent child they loved._

 _But that doesn't matter anymore. Not really. Whatever was in my past, whatever happened before the fire, before my tenth birthday, and before I met Sebastian, is irrelevant to my life now, and so to give it any thought is to simply waste time. Or at least, that's what I tell myself. Perhaps this is just a lie I repeat over and over to try and dull the ache. Yet still, there are truths to those words; my parents are the past, and the people in my present are the ones that matter._

 _That day I was thinking about the two of you. In the same scenario where I always pictured my parents, I suddenly replaced them with you. I found myself wondering what I would say to you if I knew our time together was running short._

 _The question left me feeling conflicted. Despite never giving much thought, never allowing myself to dwell on these things for too long, I still have an idea of what I would say to my mother, and what I would want her to know. But when it comes to the two of you, things become more complicated. There is so much you deserve to know, yet so much I wish to keep hidden. I do not want you think of me any differently then you have in the past. I fear that, if you knew all that there was to know about me, you would hate me as much as I most certainly deserve._

 _And so you must forgive me, but I will keep some things to myself. These secrets I'll take to my grave, but I hope you will accept the thoughts and feelings expressed in this letter as a form of atonement, for while there are some things that I wish to remain forever a secret, there are others that I've wanted to share, but never had the courage to say it._

 _I understand that it may seem as if I am contradicting my earlier statement, the one that said I would break my vow of silence and share all of that which should be shared, but even as I wrote that, I already knew that there were things I would omit. It was foolish of me to think I would be able to take all my secrets to my grave, but there are some that I will do anything to make sure will only be known to the demon in hell._

 _Yes, I am contradicting myself. But I have only fourteen years of age. Isn't that what children do?_

 _So please forgive my childishness, and please forgive my stalling. I will, however, keep part of my promise, and share all that I can._

* * *

"Ah, Snake!" Lady Elizabeth looked his way, her voice filled with genuine delight as she called him. "I'm glad we found you! If you are not overly busy, would mind accompanying Sulli-chan and I towards the entrance? Please?"

" _Me, my Lady_?" he pointed at himself, eyes wide. "Asks Keats"

"Yes, yes!" Lady Elizabeth replied, nodding. "Please?"

Snake looked away, feeling his cheeks flush.

" _O-Of course._ Says Donne."

Taking a deep breath, he followed the two girls and Mister Wolfram quietly through the manor. The long halls – with pastel colored walls decorated with oil paintings of pastoral sceneries and flowers, as well as expensive vases and sculptures – created an echo for their footsteps as they walked on the hard wood floor. Large windows, framed by velvety purple curtains, allowed for the bright sunlight to illuminate their path, small dust particles lazily dancing in the air.

Lady Elizabeth was wearing a pink dress with a full skirt, with delicate lace patterns and flowers that matched the one that decorated the bow she wore on her head. Lady Sullivan wore a green and black long sleeved dress, and green bows on either side of her short hair. Both girls had their red lips turned upwards, their wide eyes and long eyelashes adding a sense of noble radiance to their beauty, and their unsoiled skins glowing with grace.

It made Snake avert his eye. He felt his cheeks heat up, this time not from embarrassment, but shame.

The first time he met Lady Elizabeth he had been astounded by her beauty. She had walked into the manor with a radiant confidence and a smile that seemed as bright as the sun. Her green eyes sparkled with excitement, joy, and innocence. Her hair, so soft and healthy, looked as if they were made of the thinnest thread of gold, adding an angelic glow to her full curls. The light green dress she wore at the time had been decorated with beautiful bows and a full skirt that bounced with every excited skip. Her skin, rosy and pale, reminded him of Smile's expensive china, her features so delicate they seemed as if they had been sculpted by the greatest of all artists.

Yes, Lady Elizabeth's beauty had stunned him. She was mesmerizing. Her laugh filling whatever room she was in with a joy that made it easy to forget the troubles of the world outside. She was exactly what little girls dreamed of being: beautiful and courteous, fitting the role of a young noble lady to perfection.

But what truly shocked Snake, what caught him by surprise to the point of leaving him speechless, was her kindness.

The moment she walked through the front door, Snake had expected to be on the receiving end of repulsive glares. It was how it always happened, after all. Be it when he was in his cage or together with the circus, high class ladies – and sometimes even some commoners as well – would always shriek at the sight of him and his snakes, their beautiful faces twisting in disgust as they stared at his monstrosity. They hated him at first glance, fearful and suspicious, his ugliness being his greatest sin.

Snake had learned long ago that beautiful people like Lady Elizabeth could never be in the same presence as hideous abominations such as himself.

Not that he could blame them. Despite loving his snakes – feeling nothing but comfort in their cool, scaly touches, and finding beauty in their bright and shiny colors – he knew such traits were not desirable on a human such as himself. No, that wasn't the right word; it's not that it wasn't desirable, it's that it was absolutely _despicable._ While those features were mesmerizing in his friends, on him, they did nothing but make him into a monster.

Why Smile – easily the most beautiful person Snake had ever seen – kept him around, he couldn't understand.

But just as her fiancée, Lady Elizabeth too, had surprised him. When Smile had first introduced them, instead of a narrowing of the eyes and a wrinkling of the nose, the girl had surprised him by him by starting a friendly conversation, with not even the smallest sign of repulsion.

To know that beautiful people like Smile and Lady Elizabeth were also kind and accepting made Snake's chest bubble with a very familiar warmth.

And it also made his cheeks flush in shame.

"Ah, there it is!" Lady Sullivan said. Snake blinked, only then realizing he had been too lost in his own thoughts to notice that both girls had their green eyes turned towards him. "I told you, didn't I? It's been happening more lately."

"You're right," Lady Elizabeth nodded. "It did happen again."

" _What happ— I mean, is something the matter, my Ladies?_ " Snake turned towards Mister Wolfran, only to see the man shrug his shoulders, his attention fully on pushing Lady Sullivan's wheel chair. "asks Donne."

"Something is clearly wrong," Lady Sullivan crossed her arms.

"Yes, very much so," Lady Elizabeth agreed, her brows frowned, her tone lightly concerned.

" _W-What is it?_ " Snake stopped. " _Should I go get Black? Or tell Smile?_ Asks Donne."

"Don't bother," Lady Sullivan waved her hand, dismissing his questions. "This is not something they can help with."

Snake blinked, even more confused.

" _What? But Black can do anything!_ Says Keats."

"I'm afraid Sulli-chan is right. Sebastian is amazing, but I don't think he could help us with this."

" _B-but… How? And what about Smile?_ Says Keats"

Both girls tried to hold back their laugh.

"Ah, Ciel would be even less helpful, I think!" said Lady Elizabeth. "He wouldn't know what to do."

"He'd be very confused," Lady Sullivan nodded, laughing. "Boys!"

" _Confused?_ " Snake shook his head. _"No, that's not possible. Smile can understand everything! He knows everything!_ Says Donne"

"Not everything," Lady Sullivan said to herself, snickering.

"And certainly not about this," Lady Elizabeth said. "Ciel wouldn't know what to do! No, this is a matter that requires a true lady's intuition!"

Snake was at loss at what to say. His eyes were wide, his breath hitched at his throat. This only seemed to amuse the two girls, who giggled to themselves. Mister Wolfran looked at him with sympathy.

" _Lady's intuition?_ Asks Keats"

"Yes! A true lady knows how to read the mood of every situation! She knows when the people around her are happy and when they are truly satisfied. She also knows how to see past the pleasantries and polite words, so she can know how to fix it!" Lady Elizabeth explained. "She knows when something is bothering those she cares about, and she does her best to learn what is wrong so she make them it better."

"And there is something bothering you," Lady Sullivan concluded.

"And we want to help," Lady Elizabeth said. "We're worried, after all."

Despite their friendly smiles, the two girls eyed him with concern. It made his stomach sink with shame. He wasn't worthy of their worry. Girls as pretty as them should not concern themselves with people like him.

" _It's nothing,_ " he shook his head. "Says Donne."

"Liar," Lady Sullivan said.

"Come on, Snake. You can tell us," Lady Elizabeth said. "We're your friends."

His eyes widened at her words. The faces of Joker, Doll, Beast, Dagger, Jumbor, Peter, and Wendy all flashed in his mind. That familiar warmth was back, spreading through his chest.

" _Thank you, my Ladies,_ " he said. " _But… But you really shouldn't concern yourselves with someone like me._ Says Donne"

"Nonsense!" said Lady Sullivan.

" _B-But—_ "

"No 'buts'! We're your friends!"

"Sulli-chan is right, Snake. You're sad. Something is making you sad. And we're worried. We're friends. So don't say stuff like—" Lady Elizabeth's eyes widened. "That's it, isn't it? 'Someone like me'… Is that what's bothering you?"

Snake bit his lower lip. Their stares seemed to gain weight as they looked at him, making his lungs fill with air that, too, magically seemed gain mass. After a few seconds, he could not stand it anymore, and looked down, trying to avoid their gaze.

" _What? What is it?_ Says Keats" Keat's voice sounded tiny, weak. He couldn't even fool Snake.

"Oh, Snake…" Lady Elizabeth took a couple of steps towards the footman, then raised her ungloved hand to touch his cheek. She hesitated when he flinched, her shoulders deflating. Snake's chest sunk with guilt, and he forced himself to relax as her hand finally touched his cheek. The feel was as comforting as the skin of his snakes. "Snake, you really shouldn't let things like this bother you."

" _Things like what? I-I don't understand!_ Says Donne."

"Ah, if only Ciel was this easy to read. If only he were this open about his problems," Lady Elizabeth said, more to herself than to the others, her eyes cast down. "Perhaps then I could be of more use to him. Maybe I would be able to actually help him."

" _Lady El—_ "

"Just Lizzie, Snake. We're friends," she repeated. "And do you really think we care about things like this? About your appearance? Do you think that _Ciel_ cares about it?"

Snake felt that warmth again. His eyes were wide for a mere second before his lips melted into a gentle smiled as he remembered what Smile told him back in the Campania. He repeated those words to himself every day, reminding himself of the honesty and conviction in his master's eye and voice. It was a mantra, one he held dear to his heart, one of the fondest memories he had, and one he used to so to reassure himself that he had a place by Smile's side.

But old believes, believes that were founded in the cruel evidence provided by his past, were hard to let go and sometimes his insecurity would get the best of him.

" _I know… I know Smile doesn't care. He told me that before. But…_ " Snake paused, feeling his cheeks flush even more. " _It's not cute._ Says Keats."

Lady Eliza—Lizzie shook her head.

"If Ciel cared about cute things, I would have been able to bring his old smile back a long time ago," Lizzie said. "Those things don't matter to him, just like they don't matter to us. I… I can't imagine what you went through before becoming a Phantomhive servant, just as I can't imagine what Ciel went through during that time he was missing. I can't erase it, the pain either of you went through during that time."

Her hand lowered, and she reached for his. Her fingers were long, delicate, soft and gentle. Snake blushed even harder.

"But you helped Ciel and I that time in the ship. And Sulli-chan told me how you helped rescue her from that village in Germany. That's what matters the most to us, Snake. Who you are is what makes us cherish you, is what makes you our friend. All of us; Soma, too," Lizzie's eyes were on their intertwined fingers. She squeezed them reassuringly. "Ciel adores you. It's clear to anyone who sees the two you of you. He cares for you a lot, even if he's not very good at showing. Ciel, he… He keeps everyone at a distance. He doesn't like us to get too close. He's like that to everyone, except Sebastian. But Sebastian… Sebastian is different. I can't explain, but from the moment I saw him, I knew Sebastian and Ciel would always have a connection like no other, that none of us could understand."

Her eyes had become cloudy as she spoke. She shook her head, as if to banish away whatever thoughts had creeped inside her mind.

"But that doesn't matter. Because when Ciel cares about someone, he may not show it through warmth or by letting us stay close, but he does show it through his actions. When Ciel cares about someone, he'll do anything to help them. And I've seen him do that for you," She said. "Trust me, Snake, Ciel adores you. He really does. You wouldn't be here if he didn't. And I think that's what matters most. Don't you?"

Snake looked at her, shocked. His heart was hammering against his chest. He thought of Smile, and of the day he first saw him on the circus. That day felt like so long ago. Then he thought about when he was sick, and how worried Doll was. He remembered sharing a little of that worry, even if he was suspicious of him and Black. The boy had seem so frail, so helpless…

And then he remembered how Smile – tiny Smile, sickly Smile – had looked so big when he offered him his hand, offered him a place by his side, even after he had tried to kill him. He thought of how angelic he looked – beautiful and wise and so melancholic, but also determined and strong – and how, when they locked eyes, he knew he couldn't refuse him. He thought of all the things he gained since then; of his new home, his new friends, of his new family, of Finny, and the moments they all shared together.

He thought about that flower crown Smile had made the day before, and he smiled.

" _Yes,_ " Snake agreed. " _You're right._ Says Keats"

"A lady is always right about the matters like this!"

"Always!" agreed Lady Sullivan.

Lizzie let go of his hands. She walked back towards Lady Sullivan and Mister Wolfran, and they continued to walk.

"Oh, and besides," Lizzie looked back at him. "I think snakes are pretty cute! Especially yours!"

" _T-Thank you._ Says Donne."

He accompanied them through the entrance hall and waited by the door as the two entered their individual carriages. He watched them leave before closing the door and heading towards the gardens.

There he saw Smile and Finny, sitting at one of the outside tea tables. Smile had his eye turned towards a pile of paper, one of his hands supporting his chin, the other reaching for a tea cup decorated with blue and gold twirls. He didn't seem to be paying much attention as Finny babbled on, his hands moving excitedly.

On top of the gardener's head was a flower crown.

"Ah! Snake!" Finny turned towards him. Smile looked up, as well. "Come join us!"

Snake looked towards Smile. The boy gave him a nod.

Snake ran towards them. That comforting warmth seemed to almost overwhelm him. It was the same warmth he felt when Doll opened the door of his cage, when Joker gave him his name, and Dagger put his arm around his shoulders, telling him jokes as if they were brothers. It was the same warmth he got when Peter and Wendy gave him advice, when Jumbor ruffled his hair, or when Beast would talk to him as she brushed Betty's fur.

And in that moment, he knew that he'd be happy if he could stay by Smile and Finny's side until the day he died.

But unknown to any of them, a figure watched them from the shadows, his red eyes narrowed in displeasure.

* * *

 _Many things changed after the night of my tenth birthday, myself included. Perhaps I was the thing that changed the most. I'm certain if you were to ask Tanaka or Lizzie they would both have their own thoughts and observations about how different I was as a small child. Grief, fear, and horror have such an effect on people; they kill the innocence, destroy the good, and leave you feeling so hopeless and so desperate that you'll hang on to any chance of escape, even if they are as thin as the thread of a spider's web._

 _When I finally made it back, when I found my spider's thread, I thought I had nothing more to lose. My parents were gone, my innocence lost, my mind and body degraded and defiled to the point where I did not care if I soiled my soul. I wanted one thing, and one thing alone, and nothing would stop me from getting that. I would willingly sacrifice anything, willingly bathe my hands in blood, and sin until even the monsters of the night had nightmares about me. I knew then that I would have to walk a path of darkness, one far darker than that which my own father walked. I knew I would do things that many would find incomprehensible, repulsive… Even evil. As a ten year old, before Sebastian and I had even made it back to the site of my burned home, I knew I had already shed away my radiance, given up on any hope of ever meeting my parents in heaven. And I also knew that I would do things that would make the title of Evil Nobleman seem like an understatement._

 _And certainly, these four years in which I have served as the Queen's Watchdog have proven my expectations to be correct._

 _There were things I did not expect, though. Temptations, I guess you could call them. Things that would make me long for a radiance I no longer have, for a purity that was lost and could not ever be regained. Lizzie's unconditional affection, Soma's unexpected friendship, Sieglinde's hungry curiosity and trust in my guidance… As well as your persistent loyalty and care. I was ready for a path of darkness, for a world of shadows and horrors. Care, friendship, trust, and loyalty were things I never thought I would have again._

 _But I do. You have given me something I had never hoped to gain again, and in return I started to feel things I thought I was incapable of experiencing. This path of shadows that I so readily threw myself in, the one I continue to walk with my head held high, feels less cold than it should. Having the two of you around, sharing my days with you, made the loneliness and the darkness that crept into my heart easier to bear._

 _Even as I write this I feel stupid. Though my words are honest, the sentiment inside them is hard to express. For so long I both silently embraced these feelings, while outwardly dismissing them as weakness that to finally admit to them, even on paper, is far too embarrassing._

 _Know that despite this, despite my inability to properly demonstrate my care, it is still there. It is an honest and great care, one reserved only to the two of you, and one that will remain true years after we part._

* * *

Finny was still wearing his flower crown the next day. The orange blossoms sat on top of his yellow hair as if they belonged there, like a long lost part of the gardener that had finally been returned to him. He dreaded to think of the day the flowers would wither, losing their beauty. Not that Finny would throw them away. The flower crown was his Young Master's precious gift to him, and even once the petals dried up and stems became too fragile to be touched, he would keep it safe and with him forever.

He didn't have many possessions, but the ones he did had been given to him by the Young Master and Mister Sebastian, and he treasured every single one of them. After having nothing, not even a name, the simplest and smallest of gifts meant the world to Finny. He would never part with them. Not ever.

" _What are you smiling about?_ Says Oscar."

Finny turned to see Snake looking at him with a curious tilt of the head. He hadn't even realized he was smiling until the boy had pointed out, but that only caused his grin to grow wider.

"The Young Master gave me a flower crown!" he pointed towards his head.

Snake's eyes softened, " _Yes. I was there when he gave it to you._ Says Wordsworth."

"I know! But isn't it pretty! And hey! We match now!" Finny said. "You should wear yours too! Then we could both wear them together while working and we can show the Young Master how much we love his gift!"

Snake looked away. " _I… I want to, but Black yelled at me._ Says Wordsworth"

Finny resisted the urge to tilt his own head in confusion for fear it would cause the orange blossoms to fall. "Sebastian did?"

Snake nodded. " _He said it wasn't according to uniform, and that it could get the mansion dirty,_ " then, after noticing Finny's fallen demeanor, he added " _Ah, but I'm sure he won't have any problems with you wearing it! You are mostly in the gardens after all, right?_ Says Emily."

"You think so?" Finny knew he was pouting despite Snake's reassurance. "I don't want to take it off, but if Mister Sebastian says I have to…"

" _You should be fine._ Says Oscar."

Finny didn't say anything.

" _Really! You work mostly in the gardens anyway._ Says Oscar."

"But—"

" _Smile certainly won't mind._ Says Wordworth,"

Finny blinked, "He won't, will he? Yeah, you're right! Thank you, Snake!"

The footman blushed again, looking away. The flush created a soft red glistening on his scaly skin, creating a mesmerizing affect that Finny found absolutely adorable.

It was sad, really, how Snake had no idea how breathtakingly beautiful he was.

Still, Finny supposed it was a vast improvement from when he had first arrived at their manor. Back then he barely spoke, barely looked any of them in the eye. His shoulders were always rigid and hunched together, his eyes either turned to the floor or to the walls. Often times Finny caught the young man tugging at the sleeves of his uniform, pulling at the hem of his shirt, or crossing his arms as if trying to give himself a hug. He didn't say much to them, answering questions with the bare minimum, even his snakes' voices sounding unsure, hesitant, and defensive, the words coming out as mere mumbles – unless it was Oscar or Emily speaking, of course.

It was clear that they started to see Snake as their family long before he began to return the feeling. It was a gradual progression, one where the changes occurred over the course of months, every step forward accompanied by at least two step backs, the progress made in one week completely lost two weeks later. But progress did come. First he stopped looking away as often, maintaining eye contact far more often, and looking away only when embarrassed. Then, his snakes' voices grew louder, their teasing and biting remarks more frequent, their arguing something Snake finally felt comfortable translating, rather than just keeping it to himself.

The biggest change, though – the one put a stop to backtracking, forcing Snake to just keep walking forward, never to look back – came during the trip he and the Young Master took with Lady Elizabeth and her family.

At first Finny had been envious of Snake. A big part of him wished that the Young Master would have taken him instead. Whenever he was apart from his Young Master he would feel his chest ache, his thoughts always anxious, wondering if he was okay. He trusted Mister Sebastian completely, he knew the man would never allow any harm come to the boy, yet he couldn't stop worrying. The Young Master was always in danger, always at risk, and Finny simply felt better when he could be by his side, when he could feel useful. He couldn't stand the thought of any harm coming to his precious person while he could do nothing to protect him.

But there was also another reason for his envy. More than his precious gifts, the thing Finny treasured the most in his new life was the time he could spend with his Young Master. He loved those afternoons when the Young Master drank his tea outside, he loved the Easter egg hunts, the birthdays they celebrated together, the time they trained Lady Sullivan to meet the Queen, the visits to the city when they went shopping and the Young Master bought them all gifts and indulged them in their curiosity, even as other nobles looked at them funny on the street. Domesticity was something he never had as #12, but that as Finny, he treasured with all his heart. The thought of sailing across the ocean with his Young Master, of seeing the waves, and staying out in the sun… That was a memory Finny wanted to have so badly that he couldn't help but envy Snake for it.

Now, though, he was grateful for it. Perhaps his Young Master had noticed how uncomfortable Snake was around them, how even though he had been embraced as a member of the Phantomhive household, he still couldn't feel like he was part of their family. Maybe by taking only Snake, the Young Master hoped to show him that he was trusted and accepted.

If that had been the case, it certainly worked, because when Snake returned he was far more confident than before, his loyalty to the Young Master as strong as the rest of them.

A loud voice interrupted his musings. The two servants turned to see the Young Master, followed by Soma, exiting the manor to the gardens. The Indian Prince had a pout on his face while he rambled on, one of his hands waving dramatically while the other clung to the Young Master's shirt. The younger boy was scowling, his visible eye rolling as his fists clenched.

Finny chuckled as he watched the two interact.

"I didn't know Prince Soma and Mister Agni were visiting."

" _They must have arrived a few minutes ago._ Says Wordsworth."

"Probably without any warning, too," Finny said. "No wonder the Young Master is acting like that."

" _I think even if Smile knew they were coming, he would be in a bad mood._ Says Emily."

"He probably would have arranged a way to leave for the day," Finny laughed. "Mister Sebastian would probably have gone with him."

Snake laughed as well. It was a beautiful sound.

"Still, they're good for him," Finny said, his eyes softening as he turned back to the scene before them. Now Prince Soma had his arms around the Young Master's neck, his head resting on top of the shorter boy. The young earl didn't look nearly as angry as before, a slight annoyance coupled with resignation visible in the way he relaxed under the older prince's touch. "Friends like Prince Soma are good to the Young Master."

The two continued to observe as Prince Soma dragged the Young Master by the hand before stopping in the middle of the garden, a spot where the grass grew thicker and stronger, wide open to the three o'clock sunlight. Then, he sat down, pulling the younger boy with him. The Young Master made a funny face, muttered something that Finny couldn't hear, but remained in place, crossing his legs and leaning back. He gave Prince Soma his full attention.

Finny tried to go back to his duties, but every now and again his eyes would glance back at his Young Master. He couldn't help but stare. Every time he watched his Young Master, so calm and serene, he felt like his own personal sun was lighting up on his chest, the warmth filling him with giddy happiness he didn't even know existed until that night he ran into the young earl while making his escape. It was a feeling beyond descriptions, one that, no matter how many new words he learned, how many books he read, he could never quite find the way to express them. Nothing seemed good enough.

And he would do anything to protect this new happiness. He'd do anything to keep the one most precious to him safe. More than that, though, Finny wanted to repay the Young Master for all he had done for him.

And if he had to spend his entire life trying to do so, he gladly would. Nothing would make him happier.

" _I…"_ Snake began, a little uncertain. Finny looked at him, to see his dear friend blushing, his hands pulling at the sleeves of his uniform. " _Is it wrong that I wish for things to stay like this?_ Says Emily."

"Wrong?" Finny frowned. "Why would it be wrong?"

" _Smile has many cases to take care of. And… And I need to search for my family. For Joker and the others. He said he would help me._ Says Wordsworth."

Finny nodded, waiting for Snake to proceed. The Young Master respected all of his servants' privacy, never disclosing their past to the others. It had always been up to them how much they shared with each other. It always took time, they never talked about their lives before the Young Master at first, then as they grew closer together, they began to open up, to reveal things about the past that haunted them, but no longer defined them. Those were but the horror that the Young Master had extinguished by giving them a new home, a new family, a new purpose, and his full trust. Those pasts were no longer relevant, they no longer kept them inside cages, shackled by their feet to the agonizing loneliness, the crippling despair that made their chests ache and their throats close, so sore that they could not even scream. They were helpless, broken, with the scent of death and hatred clinging to them until the day that little lord with his butler cloaked in black reached out and gave them his hand. He freed them all from all of it by giving their darkness a purpose while allowing them to walk freely and happily in the light, among beautiful gardens filled with flowers.

Snake, though, was new to their family. He still clung to bits of his past, still thought about it, and shared but the bare minimum. Finny didn't fault him for it, since they all had started in a similar way before. At times, though, he ached to know more about him, to understand Snake's pain better so he could make it all go away, just as the Young Master did with him.

" _I know someday I'll find the others again. But whenever I see Smile like he is today,_ " Snake's blush brightened, the color so mesmerizing on top of his skin, glistening under the sun, that Finny had to mentally remind himself to focus on what the other servant was saying. " _I can't help but want things to stay like this forever._ Says Oscar."

The sun inside Finny's chest growing so big that he thought it would explode.

"I feel the same!" he said. Snake looked at him startled. Perhaps his voice had come out a bit too loud, but that didn't matter. "I feel the exact same way, Snake, so don't feel bad! It's not wrong at all! I… When I see the Young Master relaxed like that, I think 'There's nothing I wouldn't do to make sure he could stay like this forever. _'_ That's what you mean, right?

Snake, still surprised, nodded.

"It's not wrong. The Young Master… He deserves to be happy," Finny said. "He gave us all so much and… And I think it's natural that we want to repay him in whatever way we can."

" _It's not just that, though. I…_ " he looked away . " _It's not just that I want him to be happy. I want to be there to see it. I… I want to remain by his side – a-and yours! And Bard's and Meyrin's and Tanaka's – forever._ Says… Says Wordsworth."

It was a wonder Finny's insides hadn't melted yet.

"I want that too," unlike before, his voice came out quietly this time, soft and serene. "I want to be with the Young Master forever."

Snake looked at him with a tentative smile.

"Is that so?"

They both jumped. They had been so lost in their conversation that they didn't notice that the Young Master had already retired back to the house, no doubt after Mister Sebastian came to fetch him for something. Prince Soma, though, was still in the gardens, just a few paces away from them.

It was Finny's turn to blush. Prince Soma was standing with his arms crossed, his lips perched, eying them with curiosity and suspicion. Mister Agni stood behind him.

"You want to spend the rest of your lives with Ciel, is that it?" he asked, his eyes narrowing. "Did I hear it right?"

Snake seemed too terrified to speak, so Finny nodded for the both of them.

"And you never asked my permission for that?"

Finny frowned. "Permission?"

"Yes! My permission! As Ciel's _best friend_ I need to make sure all the people around him are the best they can be to protect him and keep him happy! They need to be good people, and they are only good people if I give them my approval, of course!" Soma nodded, as if agreeing with himself. During his speech his eyes had glanced back at the house, but then went back to eying them. "That's my job as his best friend!"

Finny looked at Snake, who still seemed mortified.

"Lucky for you," Soma went on, not waiting for them to say anything. "I know you two! I was the one who recommended Snake to visit Ciel, after all! He owns me for that! And I've known you, Finny, for a long time! And Agni and I like the two of you. Right, Agni?"

"But of course, your highness!"

"See?" Soma then grinned, and Finny could feel himself relax. "So you're off the hook! I've known you long enough to know that you would never hurt Ciel! Though you still should have asked permission."

Finny almost laughed with relief. "Than—"

"But!" Soma interrupted, pointing at both of them, looking determined. "If the two of you ever hurt Ciel, you'll have to answer to me!"

* * *

 _To my great embarrassment, Meirin and Bard are fully aware of these feelings. They have also expressed their concern over your own, Finny, numerous times. They have shown great fondness towards you as well, Snake, even though you have only been with them for a short time. Despite their incompetence as maid and chef, Meirin and Bard are both great and perceptive people whom I am proud to call my servants._

 _They are truly worthy of the Phantomhive name. As are you._

 _As with Meirin and Bard, I am proud to call the two of you my servants. I am proud that I have you by my side, and I am proud of how much you have grown since becoming a part of the Phantomhive household. But most of all, I am proud of the trust I can place in you, and that when needed, I know without a shred of doubt that you will be by my side, ready to obey my orders and protect me without question._

 _It is only appropriate that you should know, then, that I would do the same for you. I may not be strong or fast, but I have my wits and I know how to use a gun when it is required. I may be very young and my health may be very weak, but I would also like to believe that I am capable of protecting myself and those who are dear to me, even if my methods would not be considered entirely orthodox, honorable, or legal. However, as long as it achieves my goals, and as long as it protects myself and those who are dear to me, I care little for any of those things. Rest assure, then, that I will always do whatever is in my power to keep the two of you, as well as Tanaka, Meirin, and Bard, safe and comfortable until the remainder of your lives. I will also do all that is possible so that you can remain together, always, for I would never dare to destroy the family you found in each other._

 _No matter what happens, know that I have not forgotten you._

* * *

Snake looked out the window, his eyes following the clouds gently floating in the sky. There were only a few of them, soft and fluffy looking, round and small, with wispy tails that resembled still smoke. The sun shone brightly, as it had for the past four days, still warding off the familiar English rain.

Years ago he would never thought he'd be able to enjoy days like this, that he'd look at such a beautiful blue sky sprinkled with soft clouds from behind a window in a manor, rather than the bars in his cage. He'd never thought he would be able to dress in such fine tailored clothes, that he'd be allowed to walk freely in such a beautiful garden, feeling the warmth of the sun, and enjoying the presence of those who were precious to him.

Years ago, he would never have thought anyone would have been precious to him.

Those were dark times for him. He knew of nothing but his cold cage, and the laughter and horrified gasps of those who stood outside of it. He remembered curling into himself, closing his eyes and hoping it would all go away, withdrawing, allowing his mind to drift until nothing existed.

Nothingness, he would tell himself, was better than the loneliness and the despair he felt.

And yet, it still lingered. No matter how hard he had tried to push it away, it snuck up on him, crawling towards him until it was all he could feel. The laughter would ring in his ears long into the night when he laid down and looked at the starts, marveling at their beauty. Then he would remember the horror, the jests, the way kids screamed when they looked at him, and how some people would reach and poke at his skin.

"How ugly" they would say.

"What an awful creature" others would comment.

"Mommy, I'm scared!" a little girl would cry.

"So hideous! So disgusting!" some would shout.

"How could God create such a monster?"

When he remembered those words Snake would turn his back towards the beautiful stars, while tears prickled at his eyes.

When Joker and the others found him and welcomed him into their family, Snake was happy for the first time in his life. He loved his snakes, his only friends and companions for most of his life until that point, but the acceptance and affection he got from the other members of the circus was something he never thought he would ever have. It was something he was certain he didn't deserve.

Having his first family ripped away from him and disappearing like that… Even now Snake's heart still clenched at the thought. He missed them. He missed them terribly, every day longing to see their faces again. That morning they didn't return, he had been overwhelmed by a suffocating loneliness.

But now it was gone. Now he had Bard, Tanaka, and Meirin. He also had Black, and Lady Elizabeth, Lady Sullivan, and even Prince Soma and Mister Agni.

Most importantly, though, he had Finny and Smile.

"You're thinking about them again."

Snake turned around to find Smile standing behind him. His dark blue coat – one the footman remembered seeing Miss Nina sketch out a few months prior – matched his eye perfectly. It complimented the white shirt and the black pants perfectly. Smile's head was tilted to one side, his chin slightly raised as his eye studied him.

" _W-what do you mean?_ Says Webster."

"You were thinking about Joker and the others," Smile's tone and face betrayed no emotion. "You get this look on your face when you are thinking about them."

" _I… I didn't know,_ " he looks away, his cheeks heated. "Says Bronte."

Smile regarded silently for a moment. "Do you miss them?"

Snake hesitated. Then, after a few moments, he lifted his head again, eyes meeting Smile's. He found no pity in that stare, no harshness, no accusation… Only curiosity.

" _They were my first family. Before I met them, I… I didn't dare to even dream of ever being free, or of ever living happily with other people,_ " Snake said. " _They did so much for me, but I failed them._ Says Bronte."

"Failed them?" Smile rose one of his eyebrows. "How have you failed them?"

Snake didn't answer right away.

" _I… I knew they were going out. They did it many times before, but they never told why. I knew something that night felt different, but I didn't try to stop them,_ " in his mind, he could see all of them, smiling as they talked, Jumbor giving a pat on the back, Peter giving him instructions with a scowl on his face while Wendy looked at him with what he could only describe as a motherly gaze. He could see Beast approaching his snakes, the only one who ever had the courage to let them crawl up her arms and wrap themselves around her shoulders, and he could see Dagger telling a joke and trying to get him to smile. He could very clearly see and feel Freckles pulling him to the tables so he wouldn't be late for lunch. He could also see Joker, his smile always in place, cheerful, even though his eyes were the saddest one Snake had ever seen. " _If I had stopped them… Then maybe they wouldn't have disappeared._ Says Bronte."

"You said they did it before, right?" Smile waited until Snake nodded to continue "Then you couldn't have known that they wouldn't come back. It was out of your hands. They kept those things a secret from you, told you to not get involved. You didn't fail them, you simply obeyed their wishes. There's nothing wrong with that."

" _But—_ "

"Besides, feeling guilty and blaming yourself won't do you any good. It certainly won't bring them back," something changed in Smile's eye when he said that. A small flicker of sadness, there in an instant and then gone just as fast as it had appeared. "We'll find them. Together we'll find out what happened to them and bring them back. Isn't that what you want?"

Snake thought on the conversation he had with Finny the day before, when Prince Soma had come to visit. He thought about how he wanted to spend the rest of his life by Smile and Finny's side, how now that he knew them, he couldn't imagine being apart from them.

But he also thought about Joker and the others. His first family, the first people to ever show him any kindness.

How wonderful would it be for his two families to combine and become one?

" _I do,_ " Snake nodded. "Says Webster."

Smile nodded as well "Good."

They stayed quiet for a moment, before Snake spoke again. " _They will love it here._ Says Webster. _They will like Finny and the others too,_ says Bronte."

Snake's eyes widened when the words came out of his mouth. Suddenly, he was worried, his heart hammering, but not in the pleasant way he had grown accustomed to. He started to mentally curse himself. How could he be so stupid? So careless with his words? Just because Smile said he would help him find them, it didn't mean they would be allowed into the Phantomhive manor.

He started to apologize, but Smile spoke up, silencing him.

"You think so?" If he thought Snake's comment was strange or inappropriate, he did not show it. Instead, he leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms. "I didn't think they would. I certainly thought they wouldn't like me, after all that happened. But I don't know them as well as you did."

" _They are good people._ Says Bronte."

Smile nodded, and once again, something flickered in his eye again; something that was akin to sadness. "I know."

They fell into another silence. Snake took the time to once again study Smile, taking in the appearance of the young boy. He remembered his thoughts when he first laid eyes on him, when Black brought him into the tryouts. He seemed so small and fragile, so tiny, but so incredibly beautiful. Even Joker and Dagger had been stunned.

Snake had watched everything silently from a distance. He had been awed and amazed that someone as beautiful as Smile could exist in the same world as someone as hideous as himself. And just like he did with Lady Elizabeth, Snake had wondered if Smile would look at him with horror and disgust.

Now he only felt bad for ever thinking his precious master could be that shallow.

"Young Master."

Black's voice came from down the hall. Both earl and footman turned to find the perfect butler standing there, his red eyes looking at them with cold harshness, the shadows covering his face and shoulders, adding to the natural eeriness that always surrounded the perfect butler. Snake fixed his posture on reflex, not realizing how at ease and comfortable he had become in the presence of Smile until his Black's presence reminded him of his status and all the teachings that had been bestow on him since he'd been welcomed into the Phantomhive household.

"What is it, Sebastian?" Smile moved away from the wall, his full attention now on Black.

"I have the documents you asked for," just then, Snake noticed that Black carried a stack of papers with him. "They are related to _that_ case, my Lord."

Smile's eye widened. He then nodded. "Take them to my study. We'll look at them there, right away."

"Yes, my lord."

Smile gave Snake a simple nod of dismissal before turning his back towards him, walking towards Black.

" _C-Case_?" Snake spoke before he could stop himself. When both Smile and Black turned towards him, moving with a synchrony that would have left Peter and Wendy envious, he felt his cheeks flush. "S-says Webster."

"It's not really a case for the Queen. It's something more… Personal," Smile explained. "No need to concern yourself with it. Now, if you'll excuse me, Snake."

Both earl and butler quickly disappeared into the shadows of the hallway. Snake remained in place for a few moments, and then, when he could no longer hear their footsteps, turned towards the opposite direction, towards the sunlit garden, where Finny awaited him for his writing lessons.

* * *

 _Quite a sentimental thought, isn't it? It is strange, unnatural, even, for me to lay out my emotions so candidly on paper. I cringe at my own words, embarrassed and yet still very unsatisfied. I am conflicted; I feel – to put it simply – uncomfortable at seeing my feelings written quite so plainly, yet I also feel as if what I have written is not enough. Glancing up above it seems I repeat myself a lot, dance around the subject, and end up writing a whole lot of nothing. Just a pile of repetitive nonsense that barely scratches the surface of all the thoughts I wished to express. I am doing the exact same thing I have always hated; skirting around what needs to be said, avoiding the point…_

 _It's certainly is ironic, isn't it?_

 _Yet I continue doing it; avoiding the subject as I force myself to write this. By now you must be wondering why this pathetic excuse for a letter is even necessary. I could never explain to you the reason, only that it is related to the news Sebastian brought me that day, and the personal case I began to investigate since. I believe that soon enough you will have your own suspicions, and though there may be a smudge of truth in your future theories, reality is far darker than you could ever imagine. And that is fine. This is the truth that neither you, nor anyone else, must ever know. It is one of those truths that will die with me._

 _The sentiments that I am trying to express, however, are not. I would hardly be able to put an end to this without having said these things, and this, I'm afraid, is my only opportunity to do so._

 _And yet I am awful with sentiments. I wanted to show you my profound gratitude and appreciation. Has it come across properly, I wonder?_

 _I doubt it. If it has, then it probably doesn't sound like me at all. I am not, as I keep saying, one for sentimentalities and honesty. Those are not traits that suit me, nor are they traits that I see in myself, which is perhaps why this letter is so hard to write. Though the words and sentiments are certainly mine, I cannot see myself saying any of these things. Maybe it's because it makes me weak, or because it makes me vulnerable… Or maybe it's simply because it has been so long since I've allowed myself to be this open about my emotions. Being open, being vulnerable, and basking on sentimentalities are luxuries that I cannot allow myself to have, even within the walls of my own home. They were things I shed away during that month long ago, and things I have not allowed myself to experience since then, for they have no place in the path I walk. They would only slow me down, make my goals harder to achieve, and those are things that I would never allow to happen. Sacrificing these luxuries made this path harder and lonelier to walk, but I do not regret it for a second._

 _But now, I realize that it has been so long since I've been candid about these matters, that to simply speak of them feels unnatural._

* * *

"Just what are you two doing?"

Finny and Snake looked up to see their Young Master staring at them, his right hand on his hip, his expression nurturing a half-hearted scowl, and his visible eye staring at them with curiosity. A little over one dozen orange blossoms were scattered on the grass where the two servants sat, their legs crossed and three flowers in each of their hands.

The sound of cicadas filled the silence. There were a few clouds in the sky, battling against the sunrays in order to protect the English from the unusual warm week they were having. After five days of constant sunlight and humidity, it seemed like the familiar grayness and rain were finally returning home from their long trip abroad.

"Well?" despite his words and expression, there was no malice, no real harshness in the Young Master's voice.

Finny raised his hands, showing the flowers.

"We're making flower crowns!"

"Is that so?" the Young Master only raised an eyebrow.

" _We wanted to make one like the ones you did._ Says Oscar."

"They are all so pretty! We wanted to see if we could make some of our own," Finny said. "We're not very good, though."

"I can see that," the Young Master said. He seemed to be fighting back a small smile. "Do you even know how to make them?"

Finny and Snake looked at each other, then at the Young Master. That seemed to be enough of an answer for him.

"Move over," he shook his head, finally losing the battle against his smile. "I'll show you how to do it."

Finny beamed at him. Both servants shifted themselves so the Young Master could sit in front of the flowers. The boy did not hesitate to sit on the grass with his custom made clothes. A talk tree with thin branches that stretched high in the sky provided them with the shade from the bright sun rays that peaked from the cloud, making their task easier to see.

The gardener's heart seemed ready to burst with warmth, his cheeks hurting from smiling so much.

The Young Master was surprisingly patient as he taught them. He started out by picking three of the orange blossoms, explaining why they needed to have long stems, and then showing them how two braid the flowers together. Then he showed them how to add another flower before finishing the first braid, and how they had to hold two stems together as one and continue the braiding process, adding more and more flowers as they went along.

Soon, as Finny and Snake grew more confident in their task, the three fell into a comfortable silence. Finny bit his lower lip, trying his hardest to move his fingers and hands gently so not to destroy the flowers. It was hard, he was certainly moving slower than the Young Master and Snake, but as soon as the crown started to take shape, he found that his hands grew more certain, and that it became easier and easier to control his strength.

Yet again the Young Master was showing him how to create something beautiful; showing him that his hands could do more than just destroy.

He couldn't begin to imagine how he could ever repay him.

"I never imagined the Young Master would know how to make something like this," Finny said, his tone soft, but holding all the admiration he held towards the boy.

" _It's not like you,_ " Snake agreed. "says Goethe."

The Young Master picked another flower from the pile in the middle, easily working it into his beautiful crown.

"I don't suppose it is," he said. "I don't think I've made one in years."

"How did you learn it?" Finny asked.

The Young Master's hands stopped. His eye was still looking at his crown, but his gaze seemed distant, his shoulders no longer in their usual straight and perfect posture.

Finny and Snake both stopped what they were doing. Finny frowned, task forgotten. He looked at the Young Master, wondering what he had done wrong, and what he could do to make the boy smile again.

"My mother taught me," he finally said.

Finny blinked, nearly dropping the crown. His mouth was slightly agape as he watched a small, melancholic, and longing smile form in the Young Master's lips.

This was the first time the gardener had ever heard the Young Master talk about his parents. It certainly was the first time he ever heard him say the words "my mother".

He remembered their time in Germany, and how the Young Master had been so terrified, relieving a nightmare none of them could even begin comprehend. The Young Master was always so strong, so brave, and so intelligent… Sometimes Finny forgot that he, too, had suffered in his past, and that his own parents had been cruelly taken from him not too long ago.

"Her health was poor, just like mine," Ciel continued. "For that reason, she could never play with Lizzie and I, when we went outside. My aunt Ann was the one who played with us, while my mother sat at the tea tables, or under the trees, and watched. Her favorite place was the rose gardens, actually. I always knew she wanted to play with us, but she never seemed fazed by the fact that she couldn't."

There was a tenderness and fondness to the Young Master's voice that Finny had never heard it before. It was as if with each word, the young earl was further transported into his memories, reliving those days with his aunt and mother. Finny could almost picture it: the Young Master, with round and puffy baby cheeks, running around, playing with a bright a smile on his face while the Lady Phantomhive watched.

"She used to make them for us," The Young Master continued. "She would always sit close to the flowers and make them for Lizzie, aunt Ann, and I. Once she also made one for our dog, one for Tanaka, and even for my father and Diedrich," he chuckled. "My father would always do anything to make my mother happy, so he had no problem wearing them. And Diedrich… Well, he could never say no to her. No one could. My father always had trouble getting Diedrich to go along with ideas, but all my mother had to do was ask him once, and he'd do it. Father always complained it was unfair. Diedrich was supposed to be his German dog, he would say. But mother would laugh and say Diedrich was not his dog, but her puppy. Diedrich never once said she was wrong."

His fingers started working again, moving with expertise.

"One day, when it was just the two of us, she taught me how to make them. I was sitting on her lap, and she had her arms wrapped around me, and she helped me make one. We gave it to my father, and he kept it in his study, close to his chessboard. Then I taught Lizzie, and after that, there were times when instead of playing, Lizzie, aunt Ann, and I would sit together with mother and make them. We always made sure to keep them in the greenhouse or in the drawing room."

He stopped again. His smile was gone. His eye narrowed, his gaze hardened.

"I guess they all burned in the fire. Along with everything else."

He stood up, suddenly, tossing the unfinished crown in the pile of flowers. Finny looked up to find that the mask of Earl Phantomhive was back in place, his lips turned down, his posture perfectly straight, and his eye cold.

"I have matters I need to discuss with Sebastian. Make sure to clean this up, once you're done. Excuse me."

He turned and walked back into the mansion, where Mister Sebastian waited for him by the door.

* * *

 _Sentimental as it may be, and as unnatural as it is for me to admit it, your companionship brought something to my life that I did not think myself capable or even worthy of ever experiencing. Amongst all the evil I have done, the wrongs I have done – and would still do it again despite how disgusted I feel towards myself because of it – it was great to know that I could provide you with some sort of happiness and comfort._

 _And in return I gained far, far more than I ever deserved. And as selfish as it is, I'll greedily take your loyalty, your friendship, and all you have to offer, even as I walk farther and farther away from your light._

 _The light is not where I belong. At least not anymore. I'm not even sure I ever belonged there in the first place. Certainly someone as twisted as I am could not have been a simple piece of clay molded by the devil; certainly my wickedness is within my core, something that I always had and it was merely exposed when I was broken, like the interior of a crystal._

 _Yes, that must be the case. The light was never my home, never a place where I could dwell on. Yet those dearest to me – from my parents and Tanaka, to Lizzie and Edward, to Soma and Siegliende, Bard and Meirin, and the two of you – are people of great radiance. But with every decision I make, I can feel myself getting farther and farther away from you. I do not regret said decisions, but I will shamelessly continue to take all you have to offer even as I turn my back on you._

 _It is wrong, I know. Unfair. Immoral. Contradictory. But I do not care. This is who I am, and I am not ashamed of it. My darkness is all I have left, after all._

 _My only wish was that I could, in some way, repay you back for all you have done for me. The preparations I made simply don't feel like they are enough._

* * *

There were a few more clouds in the sky that day. A cool breeze relieved England of the heat that had plagued its lands for the past week. Still, with no rain in sight, Lady Elizabeth, Lady Sullivan, and Prince Soma enjoyed tea in the Phantomhive rose garden as they waited for the little Earl and his loyal butler to return from an errand.

On top of the table were snacks – English, German, and Indian, accompanied by tea and lemonade – that Bard, Mister Wolfran, and Mister Agni had prepared for the trio. They talked happily, smiling, laughing as they exchanged stories; Prince Soma's hands waved wildly as he spoke, Lady Elizabeth's eyes sparkled with excitement, and Lady Sullivan leaned forward in interest, clinging to every word that widened her previously narrow world.

It all brought a smile to Finny's lips. He couldn't make out their conversation, being so far away from them, but the energy and happiness that the Young Master's friends emitted was strong, vibrant, and even more radiant than the bright summer sun. It made the air smell fresher, and the roses appear more vibrant, the sounds of birds and the river like a sweet lullaby.

His eyes shifted towards Snake. The young footman was, along with Miss Paula, serving the three guests. There was a small smile on his face, though his eyes looked anxiously at the three friends. He shifted his weight from one foot to another, glancing down, still shy and nervous. Finny chuckled – that pretty scarlet shade was returning to the young man's cheeks, and it was so pretty!

Snake looked up, and Finny waved at him. He nodded, and straightened his shoulders, holding his head a little higher. Finny beamed at him before returning to his task.

On his left hand was a basket full of roses, on his right, a pair of large gardening scissors. Though his duties for the day had long finished, Finny continued to scout the gardens, looking for the prettiest flowers he could find, carefully selecting and clipping them for his and Snake's very important task. He was on his hands and knees, the dry dirt clinging to his gloves and trousers, as he crawled around, eyes determined to inspect every inch of the gardens that, in the time span of a day, had grown even dearer to him.

The Young Master's mother had loved these gardens. She loved the flowers, the open air, and watching her loved ones play while she made flower crowns. This had been her special spot, and the Young Master had entrusted its care to him.

To say he was honored and touched didn't seem like enough.

Right now, though, he had something else in mind. The image of Prince Soma, Lady Elizabeth, and Lady Sullivan had only strengthened his resolve. Their happiness was beautiful; it was vibrant and cheerful, and so incredibly contagious… To everyone except the one person who needed it most, for no matter how intense their joy was, it seemed to do little to rid the Young Master of his cloak of darkness.

Finny frowned. There was no denying that as the week progressed, his beloved Young Master's melancholy had increased. His eye had grown more distant, his lips barely ever turning into its usual teasing smirk. With but a few exceptions, the boy had completely secluded himself to his study, keeping only Mister Sebastian as his companion.

Finny noticed that he wasn't eating as much. Every morning he seemed tired, as if he hadn't slept well. And yet, at the same time, something burned inside that blue eye, a determined and strong fire that fed his inner darkness in a way that Finny had never seen before.

But that didn't make the sadness any easier to ignore. The melancholy, the anguish, the despair… It all radiated together with the darkness and determination.

And it pained both Finny and Snake to see it.

"Ah! Finny!" Lady Elizabeth called. Finny turned around to see the girl waving at him. "Finny, can you come here?"

Finny leaped to his feet. He placed the scissors on the ground before running towards the table, basket still in hand.

"What can I help you with, Lady Elizabeth?" Finny asked.

Lady Elizabeth reached for one of the roses in his basket, bringing it close to her nose. She smiled brightly before handing the flower over to Lady Sullivan, "These are the ones! Aren't they pretty? They smell so good, too!"

Lady Sullivan looked at the flower, her green eyes examining them, "They are pretty. The soil here must be really fertile for them to grow like this."

Prince Soma nodded eagerly, reaching over to look at the rose.

"They are! The Phantomhive gardens always had the most beautiful roses!" Lady Elizabeth said. "My mother told me so! She said she never saw any roses that could compare to these!"

Finny chest swelled with pride.

"Really? Never ever?" Lady Sullivan asked.

"Anywhere?" Prince Soma asked.

"Not anywhere! She said they are the most beautiful of all of England!" Lady Elizabeth said. "And that when Uncle Vincent fell in love with Aunt Rachel, he would bring her roses from the garden to court her! It was so romantic!"

Finny blinked, surprised. "I didn't know that."

Lady Elizabeth nodded, "Yes, it's why the roses were her favorites! He would always bring them to her. My mom and dad told me he would stay in the gardens all day long; asking Tanaka and Mister Diedrich help in choosing the flowers!"

"I never heard much about Ciel's parents," Prince Soma said. "So that's how he courted her?"

"Yes! Aunt Rachel loved telling us that story! And Uncle Vincent always had this really loving look when she told it, too!"

Finny looked down at the roses in his basket, his eyes in awe.

Lady Elizabeth put the flower back in the basket. "Why are you collecting the flowers, Finny? Is it for some special occasion? Oh! Like a dinner party? Or a ball? Is Ciel throwing one?"

Finny blushed. He glanced at Snake, who had been listening to the conversation with great attention. His cheeks, too, turned red, and he looked away. This did not go unnoticed to the three of them.

"Snake?" Lady Elizabeth frowned in concern.

" _S-Smile looked sad yesterday when he mentioned his mother._ Says Emily," Snake still refused to look at her. " _He's also been working hard on a case. He said it was a personal, though._ Says Bronte."

"We want to cheer him up," Finny explained. "So we thought we could make him a flower crown! Like the ones he has been making this week!"

" _B-but… We're not very good at it._ Says Emily."

Lady Elizabeth blinked. Once. Twice. Then she gasped. Her smile was radiant, her eyes sparkling brightly as she clapped her hands together, "I'll help you! I'll definitely help you! Oh, please, let me help! Ciel used to love the flower crowns Aunt Rachel made him! If we make one like that, it will definitely cheer him up!"

"You thinks so?" Finny asked.

"Of course!" Lady Elizabeth nodded. "And it will be so much fun! Please, can I help? Can _we_ help?"

"O-Of course! _"_

Lady Elizabeth's smile only widened as she tried to hold back her excitement.

"Not that I'm against the idea," Prince Soma said, his hand raised as if he had a question. "But shouldn't we try to find out why Ciel is upset first?"

Lady Elizabeth looked at Finny and Snake, Finny glanced at Snake, then at Lady Sullivan and Prince Soma. He could feel his own smile falling.

"Ciel won't tell us," Lizzie concluded. "If something really is bothering, he would never tell us. He never does. And… And I don't know why."

"They said he talked about his parents, right?" Lady Sullivan asked. "Maybe something about this case is reminding him of them?"

Finny tapped his chin, looking thoughtful. "Snake did say that it was a more personal case, right, Snake?"

Snake nodded.

"Maybe Ciel just misses his parents?" Prince Soma asked.

Lady Elizabeth looked down at her hands folded on top of her lap. "But Ciel never talks about them anymore."

Finny sighed. Compared to Lady Elizabeth or Tanaka, he hadn't known the Young Master for very long at all. And yet, in all the time they spent together, Finny had only seen his Young Master openly express his grief twice.

He felt his throat close at the thought of those memories, his chest aching. Never had he felt as useless as those moments when his precious Young Master was in so much pain, and there was nothing he could do to comfort him. He tried holding him, yelling at those who carried out insensitive conversations right in front of him. He treated his injuries, kept him company, and did his best to erase his insecurities when he said he wasn't worth any of it. Finny had tried his best to help his Young Master during those vulnerable moments, and yet, all of his efforts had been for nothing.

His Young Master had a never ending darkness and a profound sadness inside of him. They clung to him like a parasite, sucking his radiance. But the Young Master was also strong. He was proud, beautiful, and clever. He was the strongest person Finny knew… but in those moments, in those two occasions, the garderner was reminded that despite it all, his Young Master was still a child who had all his happiness cruelly taken from him at a very young age.

"Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it," Finny didn't even notice he had spoken until the words came out of his lips. But once they were out, he found himself unable to stop, not caring about all those eyes looking at him. "The Young Master likes to be strong in front of others. I think the only person he lets himself be sad with is… Is with Mister Sebastian. But he is the Earl, and he thinks it's his job to be strong for all of us. Maybe that's why he won't talk about it."

Soma grinned, "Well, if Ciel won't talk about it, then he doesn't have to talk about it. We'll cheer him up anyways! Let's make him a super special crown!" Soma said. "We'll use all of Ciel's mom's favorite flowers! This way Ciel will have something to remember her!"

"Yes!" this seemed to return Lady Elizabeth's energy, her eyes now determined. "Ciel would love that! Finny, Snake, let's do it!"

Finny and Snake looked at each other, smiling before nodding.

Prince Soma was quick to stand up and go towards Lady Sullivan, pushing her wheel chair as Lady Elizabeth guided them through the gardens. Snake carried the straw basket, which soon was filled with all of Lady Rachel's favorite flowers. Together, the five of them – as well as Emily and Bronte – picked the best of them all.

Their rich aroma filled Finny's lungs. The sound of the leaves rustling in the wind cheered them on as they went on their adventure. Soon they were talking, jesting, and exchanging stories. Somewhere along the way, Miss Paula, Mister Wolfran, Mister Agni, Tanaka, Bard, and Meirin all joined them.

Every time Finny looked, he saw that Snake was smiling, seemingly happier and relaxed than Finny had ever seen him. The sight made Finny's heartbeat quicken and his chest grow warm.

With a smile of his own, he knew with great certainty that this was what having a family and a home felt like.

It must have taken them hours to collect all the flowers and braid them together into a full and colorful crown, but for Finny, this moment could have gone on forever and he would not have even noticed. Somewhere along the way Prince Soma and Lady Sullivan made flower crowns for Mister Agni and Mister Wolfran. In fact, soon all of them were wearing one, all of them gifts from someone else, including Tanaka; the former head butler had even knelt down to the floor as Lady Elizabeth crowned him, the two smiling at each other as if remembering something from the past.

The Young Master's one was the prettiest, though. With rich blood red roses, fragile and soft orange blossoms, and embedded with tiny baby breaths, the crown was full and elegant, delicate yet strong.

It was nearing supper time when the Young Master finally returned. They were so preoccupied with their activity, that none heard earl and butler approach. The sound of their footsteps, as well as the Young Master's cane, was muted by their loud conversation.

"What is going on here?"

The Young Master looked perplexed. His one visible eye was wide, his mouth open. Behind him, even Mister Sebastian looked just as shocked, as well as slightly confused; there was no sign of the usual anger that would cloud his features whenever they neglected their duties – as they were doing at that moment.

They exchanged looks. Finny met Snake's eyes, noticing how his dear friend's shoulders tensed slightly. The flower crown sat in between the two of them.

"Well?" he asked when no one seemed to reply.

Lady Elizabeth reached towards Finny, her delicate fingers touching his hand lightly. Finny looked at her to see her smiling at both him and Snake. When their eyes met, she nodded encouragingly.

Swallowing the lump on his throat, Finny got up, grabbing the flower crown. Together with Snake, the two walked towards the Young Master, whose confusion only seemed to grow.

"W-We wanted to give you this!" Finny bowed his head as he shoved the crown towards the little earl.

" _W-we noticed you were upset. S-so we wanted to cheer you up._ Says Emily." Snake's voice shook almost as much as Finny's.

"You… You what?"

"Everyone helped us, too!" Finny continued.

"You made this…?" the Young Master asked. "For me?"

" _Yes. W-We hope you like it._ Says Bronte."

There was a moment of silence. Taking a deep breath, Finny finally found the courage to look up.

And he was glad that he did, because in that moment, the Young Master gave the two of them the most beautiful smile Finny had ever seen.

"Thank you."

* * *

 _I'm uncertain of what else I can say. Though I promised honesty – and honest I was – I feel as if I am leaving you with nothing more but my rambling. You'll know, as you read this, that although I said I would break my silence, I am still keeping secrets. If I could be selfish one last time, I ask you not to concern yourself with those. Like I said before, those are things that I wish to take to my grave Do not, however, mistake my silence for shame or regret. The things I did, I did out of necessity to accomplish my goals. I do not regret them. Many of them were wrong, many were despicable, and part of me does wish that things could have gone differently, that life had not created a situation where that was the outcome that would best benefit me and my agenda. Yet, if I were to relieve many of those moments, and were I of sound mind, I would not have changed a thing._

 _But those were my choices and my wrongs, my sins to bear, and I'll bear them proudly, even if silently. Perhaps it is just another part of my selfish nature not to wish to impose them on anyone but myself and Sebastian. They are my evils, – our evils, for we have done them together, and among the many things we share, that is perhaps what makes our bond strong – and I will not have you, whom I've grown to care so much for, tainted with their knowledge._

 _The feelings expressed in this letter, though, are genuine. I know I've repeated these words numerous of times, but their importance cannot be overstated; these words as a true as I could make them, and I hope that you were able to find some small satisfaction and appeasement despite their nonsensical nature. If you are to take anything from this letter, take my eternal gratitude, and my affection. Know that, while facing the cold darkness, your presence helped remind me of what the light was like. The light, however, is not a place I can – neither do I want – to reside, and the darkness is not a place where you should travel. With that in mind, I wish you the greatest happiness in the world as we part ways for the last time._

* * *

Ciel put his quill down. A single blue eye stared at the letter, reading over its content. The sound of the heavy rain tapping against the window in his study created a comforting melody, one that he heard many times during his childhood as he played in this room while his father worked.

With a sigh, he folded the paper and placed it inside the envelope, sealing it before he could change his mind. He turned towards the window, watching the rain.

How fitting that today was the day that the six days streak of sunshine was finally broken.

A knock snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Young Master?" Sebastian's voice called from behind the heavy wooden door.

"Come in, Sebastian," Ciel said. The demon did as he was told, walking into the study with grace, his uniform perfectly clean, not a single wrinkle to be seen. "Is everything ready?"

"Yes, my lord," there was a hint of a smile on his face, his red eyes sparkling with delight. "The carriage should be here in a few moments."

Ciel said nothing. He stood up, letter in hand, and walked around the room. His face betrayed no emotion, his eye cold and unreadable as his mind went over the information they had gathered.

"Are we sure of this lead?" he asked. "Viscount Druitt is hardly a reliable source, after all."

Sebastian smiled this time, "I agree that in the past he has been… troublesome." Ciel snorted. He was now standing in front of the chess set he and his father used to play, where he had placed the flower crown Finny and Snake had made for him. "But I have checked his story and his information. He does not appear to be lying, my Lord. Or, at the very least, he believes his own words."

Ciel placed the letter next to the flower crown. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lip, but he was quick to mask it away.

"Then if he's lying, it's because he had also been lied to," he concluded.

"In which case, it begs the question of why such a high esteemed member of the cult was deceived in such manner," Sebastian completed his thought.

Ciel smirked, leaning back against the chess set.

"Either way, it calls for an investigation," he said. "Hopefully the Queen won't mind us going off on our own this time."

"I hardly see how that matters. This case is none of her concern, after all. Besides, if our suspicions are correct, then soon she will not be able to rely on you to do her dirty work," Sebastian paused, then smirked. Ciel glared in return, raising his chin, ready for whatever mocking was about to spill from the demon's lips. "Or could it be that you have gone soft, my Lord?"

"As much as our usual banter brings me great amusement, right now I do not have time for your nonsense, Sebastian. If you have something to say, say it clearly."

"Just a mere observation, my Lord. Playing with flowers is not exactly something you are known for, after all," Ciel resisted the urge to look at Finny and Snake's gift. "And after yesterday's events, one can only begin to wonder."

"Well, wonder no more," Ciel said. "My resolve is as strong as ever. I don't regret my choices."

"Even if they will bring pain to others?" Sebastian asked. "It is only part of human nature to have second thoughts when faced with their own mortality. That's when those talks of light and salvation become as tempting as my promises. Tell me, my lord, are you turning your back towards the darkness?"

"Please," Ciel rolled his eye. "The darkness is as part of me as it is of you, Sebastian. You know that."

"I also know how humans are."

"You _think_ you know. But you're a mindless beast, thirsty for blood, blinded by your hunger," Sebastian smirked at the insult. "And if you think that I would even consider breaking our contract, this close to the end, then you don't know me at all."

"I must disagree. I know you far better than anyone else, my Lord."

"Indeed," Ciel said. "But that says nothing, for here you are, still seeking to mock me, to provoke me, even though you know those attempts are futile."

"I find it amusing to play with my meals," Sebastian said. "Isn't that the expected behavior of a _dog_?"

"Perhaps. But it's not an acceptable behavior for a _Phantomhive servant_."

"My deepest apologies then, My Lord."

Ciel did not dignify him with an answer. He walked towards the door, leaving the letter behind, together with the flower crown. Sebastian watched him, quietly, just as a predator watched its prey, observing with great care, as if understanding them would make the kill all the more exhilarating. His red eyes glowed with a mixture of hunger, raw desire, and anticipation.

"Oh, and Sebastian?" Ciel turned towards his butler, his visible eye narrowed. "My days may be counted, but until you can have your meal, I am still your master. You _serve_ this dog, and you will act accordingly. I will not have you questioning my motives. Is that understood?"

Sebastian smirked.

"Yes, my Lord."

Ciel walked out of the room, never once looking back, even though he knew he would never return.

Sebastian watched him go. He waited until the steps reached the end of the hall before going further inside the room, walking towards the wooden chess set, the flower crown, and the letter.

His smile disappeared. Instead of hunger or delight, his red eyes shone with contempt. Quietly, he grabbed both the flower crown and the letter, and tossed it inside the fire place.

The scent of burning paper, roses, and orange blossoms brought a smile back to his lips as he left the room.

 _Forever your master and friend,_

 _Ciel Phantomhive_

* * *

 **Sebastian is just mad that he was the only one who didn't get a flower crown. Did you know that Queen Victoria wore orange blossoms on her wedding day? Anyway, this fanfic is dedicated to Cennis, who requested a Finny/Ciel/Snake polyamore fanfic for our fanfic exchange. We each gave each other ten requirements, and I think I managed to fulfill them all! Hopefully she'll like it! Sorry it's so long (and that I included some Sebaciel references… couldn't resist)! If it wasn't for the format of the story, I probably would have broken it up into smaller parts, but it really wouldn't work the way it is.**

 **Anyway, writing this made me want to write some Sebastian/Ciel fanfics. I have two ideas already, so hopefully I'll manage to get them out soon!**


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